i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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