I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
