the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
3 2 1 whiskey
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
