What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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