But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
