Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
