I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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