i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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