my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
