The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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