I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
