Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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