You made me cry and you don't even care
If that was your dad, he is hot
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
