Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
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I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
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Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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