I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
