Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
