Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
