Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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