Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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