If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Church boner. Awkwardddd
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
