you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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