did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
