Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
