I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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