I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
