Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
