Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
