Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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