I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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