I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
