2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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