i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
