yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
