and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
