I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize