I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
