i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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