When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
