it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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