He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
