Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
