I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
