i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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