that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
