I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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