why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize