this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My ATM looks so different sober.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
