it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
