watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
