Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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