I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm really busy with my period
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