She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
