And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
