You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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