I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
