I forgot how hot balto sounded
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
