She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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