It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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