Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
