So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
