is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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