i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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