Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm really into asian looking animals
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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