I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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