Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I want a musical about memes.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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