found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
