Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
