I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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