Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
