dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
