After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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