I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.