DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.