their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
