i just sent this text using only my big toe
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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