I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
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I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
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I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.