I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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