i think my tv is drunk
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
