How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
