One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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