What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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