So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
