I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
