That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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