Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
