Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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